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Praying for the Carless in the New Year

A desperate man waits on a bus, since he presumably doesn't have a car.

This winter, put yourself in the shoes of someone who has to wait for a bus, or has to sit next to other people on a cold, uncomfortable train. Even for those of you who drive electric cars, know that your situation could always be worse.

You complained, we listened. New bus routes coming soon

Brunette woman with headphones stands on a train platform. She is looking high and mighty in her refusal to drive like a normal person, and is wearing a red shirt.

The Office of Transportation has just received our federal funding for mass transit for this fiscal year. While our lawyers work to free up that money for building more roads, the board of directors has just approved the use of at least half of these funds to add nearly 6,000 miles of new bus routes to serve residents who are unsatisfied with our region’s transportation.

Lock and Load (your groceries).

Toy truck full of liberty hauling a camper full of freedom. The truck is red, like the spilled blood of patriots, and is carrying a majestic American flag. The camper is painted with American-flag like stuff.

Government scientists have found that car ownership and operation contains so much liberty, that they were forced to classify the automobile to be a deadly weapon, and weapons, thankfully, are the birthright of every American, as our founding documents will attest.

Sidewalks : Are They Really a Good Idea?

Top-down photo of a big highway interchange. There are what appear to be pedestrian pathways near it, which are a waste of space that could be better used for cars.

We feel that it’s important to make a case for sidewalks being an overall threat to public safety, no matter how much they’re improved. We can hear the pedestrians already, screaming bloody murder, but hear us out.